---------------------------------- --> the monk bought lunch
the monk bought lunch

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today was such a waste

I sat around and waited at home, I waited all morning and decided to go for a bike ride. Then I went to lestats and waited some more. For what? Something to happen. Something to do. I don’t know what. I waited to see if I would feel better about my life. But I don’t. Now I’m 23 and I just lost my job last wednesday for being late 3 times in 6 months, all under 10 minutes. Today I tried not to think about it. But I tried to confront myself about it. I didn’t want to. I wanted to hide. I want to hide from my life. I don’t want it to pass me by but at the same time I really do want it to. I just want to wait for something better to happen. But I don’t think anything better will happen. I don’t know what to do about any of this. It’s beyond heroin. It’s just a shit time in my life. I don’t want to sit around and waste away but every week goes by and that’s all that is happening to me. I’m so over it all. It’s so miserable. I want to do something else but I’m confined by all this bullshit debt I’ve accumulated. Student loans, DUI, hospital bills, I don’t even know where to start paying it all off if I did at all. Just fuck everything. Tomorrow’s another day, another day I will be waiting for something to happen. Something better. Sometimes I try and reach out to my friends. One’s already fucked my life over and ruined me. The other I try to talk to but she’s too lah-dee-fucking-dah to give a shit it seems. The rest have already walked away from me for reasons I feel are unwarrented, fuck you anyway. Fuck today.